end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i love accidental penises.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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