just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
