a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
