my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
