did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
