Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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