am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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