yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
