I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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