Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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