Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
