What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
