I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
