We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
