FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
