the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
