I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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