youre lurking in front of me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
