just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize