Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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