TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
