Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
