He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
