So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
