I looked at my own cervix.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
