Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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