I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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