y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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