It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In other news, I just burned my penis
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
