he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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