if you like me you must not know who I am
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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