There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
