She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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