she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
