Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
