currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We are all done wearing pants today
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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