What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
