Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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