butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize