What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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