Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
