sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize