I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
