oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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