I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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