we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
