I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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