I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
