i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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