i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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