An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
