I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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