maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
