pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
