Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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