If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
