Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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