You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
