i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
