Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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