i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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