If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize