Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
