So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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