There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize