pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
