You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
