"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
