I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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