you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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