I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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