i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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