Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
