Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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