I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
