I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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