***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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