you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
