we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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