I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
