I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
