Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
