i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Actions speak louder than pants.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
