Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize