Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize