Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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