my mouth tastes like poor choices
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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