Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
