Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize