Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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