So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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