I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
