She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
