It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
