Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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