Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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