So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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