So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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