people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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