I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
