Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
high people should be assigned attendants
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
